Parenting Approaches
One parenting approach believes children are God’s creation, and they belong to Him and the world belongs to them. They should live unfettered lives so that they can go explore and find out who they are. They should enjoy childhood and experience all there is to life. They should be dealt with kindness, understanding, tremendous restraint, and they should never be corrected with the Bible as they will come to resent God and His harsh commandments. They are indulgent and often embarrass you publicly, but you have come to accept that as a badge of motherhood—even though your twelve-year-old still tantrums for candy at the supermarket aisle. You look at those other poor little socialized children knowing that God is on your side, and that makes you feel good.
The second parenting approach believes that children are inherently evil and seek to take your time, attention, your very life from you. These parents are encouraged to get a jump on the situation before the baby comes home from the hospital. They should not be cuddled excessively, not allowed to explore the environment. Their sinful nature must be constrained. They will do as you say or else receive the rod of reproof, which God has ordained you to apply to their bottom. If they should ever step out of the parameters you have drawn for them, which are often quite small, they will receive instant and exact punishment. Because of your rules, restraints and restrictions, they make you look good when you go out because they fear reprisal when they get home. You sneer at others’ children knowing you have heard from the throne yourself.
The third parenting approach is rather gruff. After all, “your mama didn’t read no parenting books,” or adhere to any “approach,” and you turned out just fine. In fact, you think people spend too much time discussing what to do with the kids. You just have to deal with them until they are grown up. You spank them occasionally, if they cross your proverbial line, and affirm them when the teacher says they need to be more positive. If they are to learn morality, you’ll take them to the youth group on Friday night while you go to the gym. After all, you had a life before you had children, and you will continue after you had children. God didn’t just call you to be a mother; in fact, you’re a prophet to the nations; and when you go out to minister, you bribe your children to behave so all can see what a great parent you are. You’ve prayed for them and done your Christian service, or so it seems. Soon they will be grown and out of your home, and you can continue on with your life.
So what does the Bible say?
The most insidious thing about a lie is the degree of truth in it. And all these approaches have a strain of biblical truth, and at one time or another were popular in the body of Christ. Let’s look at each. In the first approach, children are almost deity, in the other they are demonized, and in the third they are simply dismissed. All of these approaches are wrong. Children are a gift from the Lord and should not be ignored, nor seen as evil inheritances, nor seen as God, Himself. Children are a gift from the Lord. And how would you treat a Gift God gave you? Preciously. Tenderly. Wisely. Cautiously.
True, there are elements of God’s view in all of these parenting styles. What should you do with your children? Go to God for instruction; and if you have fallen into using any one man (or woman’s) style of parenting, repent. Repent because only God can give you instructions for your child. As parents, we may gather information from the “experts,” but ultimately God has given us our children to steward.
Derek and Cheryl Carter are striving to parent their children with grace and understanding.
One parenting approach believes children are God’s creation, and they belong to Him and the world belongs to them. They should live unfettered lives so that they can go explore and find out who they are. They should enjoy childhood and experience all there is to life. They should be dealt with kindness, understanding, tremendous restraint, and they should never be corrected with the Bible as they will come to resent God and His harsh commandments. They are indulgent and often embarrass you publicly, but you have come to accept that as a badge of motherhood—even though your twelve-year-old still tantrums for candy at the supermarket aisle. You look at those other poor little socialized children knowing that God is on your side, and that makes you feel good.
The second parenting approach believes that children are inherently evil and seek to take your time, attention, your very life from you. These parents are encouraged to get a jump on the situation before the baby comes home from the hospital. They should not be cuddled excessively, not allowed to explore the environment. Their sinful nature must be constrained. They will do as you say or else receive the rod of reproof, which God has ordained you to apply to their bottom. If they should ever step out of the parameters you have drawn for them, which are often quite small, they will receive instant and exact punishment. Because of your rules, restraints and restrictions, they make you look good when you go out because they fear reprisal when they get home. You sneer at others’ children knowing you have heard from the throne yourself.
The third parenting approach is rather gruff. After all, “your mama didn’t read no parenting books,” or adhere to any “approach,” and you turned out just fine. In fact, you think people spend too much time discussing what to do with the kids. You just have to deal with them until they are grown up. You spank them occasionally, if they cross your proverbial line, and affirm them when the teacher says they need to be more positive. If they are to learn morality, you’ll take them to the youth group on Friday night while you go to the gym. After all, you had a life before you had children, and you will continue after you had children. God didn’t just call you to be a mother; in fact, you’re a prophet to the nations; and when you go out to minister, you bribe your children to behave so all can see what a great parent you are. You’ve prayed for them and done your Christian service, or so it seems. Soon they will be grown and out of your home, and you can continue on with your life.
So what does the Bible say?
The most insidious thing about a lie is the degree of truth in it. And all these approaches have a strain of biblical truth, and at one time or another were popular in the body of Christ. Let’s look at each. In the first approach, children are almost deity, in the other they are demonized, and in the third they are simply dismissed. All of these approaches are wrong. Children are a gift from the Lord and should not be ignored, nor seen as evil inheritances, nor seen as God, Himself. Children are a gift from the Lord. And how would you treat a Gift God gave you? Preciously. Tenderly. Wisely. Cautiously.
True, there are elements of God’s view in all of these parenting styles. What should you do with your children? Go to God for instruction; and if you have fallen into using any one man (or woman’s) style of parenting, repent. Repent because only God can give you instructions for your child. As parents, we may gather information from the “experts,” but ultimately God has given us our children to steward.
Derek and Cheryl Carter are striving to parent their children with grace and understanding.
